reading while pretty.

I'm a public reader. With my earbuds in, iPhone silenced, and Kindle (with the hot pink cover) ready, I block out the world whenever possible. Or, rather, whenever I'm allowed. See, I always thought that it was a universal rule that earbuds = leave me alone, but apparently the exception is that when men find you attractive they can disturb you whenever they want. (What, you didn't know this either? Well, now you do. You're welcome, hot lady readers.)

The worst part is that some guys actually think that they are saving me from my Kindle by forcing conversation. On my way from NYC to South Jersey for Christmas, the guy sitting across from me interrupted me no less than 10 times to say that he "liked what he was looking at." (I even overheard him describing me to someone on the phone. So gross/creepy/wrong on so many levels.) My responses became slightly less polite the more he annoyed me, so he finally said "Ok, I'ma let you read."

Yes, please "let" me read. Thank you, kind sir, for allowing me to do something that brings me far more joy than engaging in conversation about who is better: Drake or J. Cole. (answer: Childish Gambino.)

Beyond the sheer rudeness of interrupting someone when they are reading, what bothers me the most is when the men (term used as loosely as possible) disturb my bliss to tell me that I'm "too pretty to be reading." Yes, because being smart and being pretty are mutually exclusive. One guy even said: "You shouldn't be reading other people's books, people should be reading books about you!" Wow. Clever. (My response was that I would rather have people reading books by me than about me, and he told me he could make that happen. The fact that he was shirtless in Central Park holding a half of a tuna sandwich led me to question his publishing connections.)

Of course, the implication here is that a woman can be too attractive to be intelligent; that we reach a certain threshold where beauty beats out brains and getting by on the latter is utterly ridiculous. And, of course, I find this utterly ridiculous. As stated above, being smart and being pretty are not mutually exclusive, and I hate the way that women are socially pigeon-holed to choose one over the other. TV and movies always portray the pretty girls as dumb (and/or bitchy) and the smart ones as dowdy (and/or bitchy). Pop culture is such a socializing agent that little girls watch these things and believe that they, too, have to pick. When I worked in high schools, I saw this all the time. And all the time it broke my heart.

I really hope the men who believe in this dichotomy don't have daughters. Their issues will give my therapist friends clients for life, but I wish it didn't have to be so. Hopefully more women will pick up the mantle of teaching young girls that they can (and should) be fabulous both inside the classroom and out.

xo,
Linds