educators as advocates: coming out for social change

Educators need to help move society along to the point
where everyone realizes that love is love, no matter what.
[photo credit]

In the past few weeks, Anderson Cooper and Frank Ocean have both publicly announced (or, in the former's case, confirmed) their homosexuality. While most folks have applauded these two for their bravery, some have called their actions publicity stunts or blasted them with homophobic slurs (mostly in terms of the latter). Of course, I'm on the side of applause. I think it's great that these two shared this hidden part of themselves with the world, and hope their actions empower others to have the courage to be themselves.

Having worked with teens who were coming to terms with their sexual identities, I have seen how hard it is to publicly state what you have always known. In every school I ever worked/interned in, my office space was a place of tissues and tears as kids talked to me about how hard it was to hide this important aspect of their lives from those they loved the most. For some of them, I was the first person they came out to. For others, I was the next step in the line that typically started with friends and ended with family. My schools in Philadelphia were rare, in that the other students were supportive of their LGBTQI classmates and the bullying and terrorizing that a lot of students go through was rather limited. (I can't think of any instances, but I cannot say they didn't exist.) Sometimes students would use my office to practice their 'coming out' speech, other times they would use it to actually come out to friends. This was typically an empowering and freeing time for these kids.

Coming out to families, however, was usually a different story. While there were times when parents knew and were supportive of their child's sexuality, the typical picture was not as rosy. Sometimes, kids would come out to family and receive such a negative response that they immediately backpedaled from their disclosure. Other times, they were so aware of their parent(s)' dislike of homosexuals that they were afraid to say anything. And on rare occasions, a kid would have the talk with their parent(s) and come to school with bruises the next day. (These instances were always called in to ChildLine. Unlike those at Penn State, I took my mandated reporter duties very seriously and even followed up.) I had parents get mad at me for telling their child that it was okay to be gay, or tell me that it was not my place to promote "sinning" in children. I got cursed out plenty of times for plenty of reasons when I was a school counselor, but these instances were always the worst because I could see how much this was hurting their child.

Hopefully, the very public actions of Anderson Cooper and Frank Ocean (and plenty of others who are out and proud) will aid in the cultural shift toward acceptance of LGBTQI identities that is happening, albeit rather slowly, in America. It is so important for kids to have role models who can show them, and the rest of the world, that it is 100% okay to be who they are. Educators can create schools with cultures that are caring and supportive enough to facilitate this process, but kids aren't in school 24/7. In addition to instilling in these children the strength to fight through negativity with the idea that 'it gets better', we also need to work to make the negativity stop.

Educators, especially school counselors, are in a unique position to take this message to the public since we see how hard it is for our kids. Obviously we can't share details, but the general idea that a society of homophobia is harmful for children is clear even from sanitized stories. (Indeed, my above stories are amalgamations of numerous kids, families, and schools over the course of a few years, but hopefully they are effective examples.) We see these things every day, and the time for silence has passed. Educators need to be advocates for our kids so that this heavy barrier to learning (and life) can be lifted.

I want to get to the point where coming out isn't a big deal. It'll be a tough road to travel, but we can totally get there. All I know is that it won't get better unless we all do something.