adventures in ambiguous ethnicity.

best. flavor. ever. 

Most people who see me think I'm Latina, North (or East) African, or from the Caribbean. Rarely is the automatic assumption of a stranger that I'm a Black American with two Black American parents and 3.5 Black American grandparents. It's super annoying to have people automatically speak to me in Spanish or Arabic, but I get it. My skin is definitely on the lighter side and, combined with hair that is more 3B than 4C, confusion about my race is inevitable. It is obvious that I have a multiracial heritage, but that doesn't mean I'm not Black. It just means that the mixing that almost all Black Americans with slave ancestors have in their background is more evident in me than in others. It's genetic, and that's pretty much it.

Well, to me, at least... But when the people who assume I'm not Black are Black, things can get a little complicated and a lot awkward.

This is what happened with my watermelon Jolly Rancher.

The setup: My office's secretary is Black, and she has a candy dish on her desk. Last week, it was filled with Jolly Ranchers. I went to snag a few and noticed that the only ones left in the dish were grape and watermelon. I joked: "Grape and watermelon? This is the Blackest candy selection ever!" I laughed. She gave me the side-eye. I took four watermelon Jolly Ranchers and scurried back to my desk.

My joke referenced the stereotypes that all Black people like watermelon and grape-flavored foods. It's the type of joke I make with my Black friends all the time. They know I'm Black and think it's funny. Now, I don't know what race my secretary thinks I am, but I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm racist.

I didn't feel the need to go back and tell her I'm Black, too... but maybe I should have? See, I never know how to react when my racial identity is questioned by people who share it. This is a really sensitive subject for me because this has been questioned for my whole life. When I was younger, it was rough. I would cry when people would tell me I wasn't Black, so I just started telling people I was multiracial. It was easier, but never felt correct. The more comfortable I got with myself, however, made me more comfortable to just not care what other people thought of me (racially and otherwise). My Mariah "not Black enough for the Black people" Carey baggage that I carried up until college has given way to a more 'you can't define me for me' type of attitude.

I like it better, but the situation is still the same. I'm still judged based on appearance and often feel the need to explain myself when I talk about race in ways that are only acceptable within the group. I don't want to have to go through my family tree every time I want to make an off-color comment, nor should I have to. At the same time, however, I understand the feeling of discomfort that Black strangers (or just people who don't know me on a personal level) have when I make racial commentary. There is both an historical legacy to consider, as well as this new hipster racism thing that makes some (White) folks think it's cool to make racist jokes because, you know, we're in a post-racial society and we have a Black president. In other words, I think that the side-eye from the secretary was totally warranted, but still super uncomfortable.

(Umm, am I the only one who feels like I'm writing in circles... ??)

This isn't a very easy issue to sum up nicely, nor should it be. Race and ethnicity and identity and stereotypes are messy subjects to contend with because they are so deeply personal to those most affected by them. I know people in my life (hi, Dad) who would completely disagree with both my anger with explaining my genealogy and my understanding of people who are uncomfortable with my commentary. But they aren't me, and I am not them. I'm a Black American who isn't always immediately identifiable as such. It is what it is.

earning a seat v. losing a seat: thoughts on race-conscious college admissions

In October, the Supreme Court of the United States is expected to rule on Fisher v. University of Texas at Austin, the latest case to challenge the use of race as a factor in college admissions. Despite the fact that the court ruled in favor of it in 2003 (Grutter v. Bollinger), it is being heard again. And, since the court is more conservative than it was nine years ago, there is a good chance that it will be struck down. And, if affirmative action is ruled unconstitutional in the case of higher education, it goes without question that it will be ruled unconstitutional in the host of other places where it is applied. It'll have the same social domino effect that Title IX or Brown v. Board of Education had.

Obviously, I think this is bad.

Some background: In order to ensure diversity at the University of Texas Austin (the flagship school in the UT system), they enacted a policy where the top 10% of students at any high school in the state would be accepted. This fills up roughly 80% of the incoming freshmen class. The other 20% of applicants are evaluated holistically, meaning their grades, life circumstances, SES, race, etc. are considered in the admissions decision. Abigail Fisher (the plaintiff), whose evaluation was part of this process in 2008, was denied admission. She believes that it was based on race (she is White), and is now suing the university for discrimination. [See here, here, and here for more detail that isn't legalese.] 

Now, I'm not writing to make the case for diversity in higher education and beyond. Those arguments are out there and awesome and obvious. No, I want think through the question of ownership in college admissions. How can someone (in this case, Fisher) so believe that they are entitled to a seat at a prestigious university that they sue the school... then take it all the way to the SCOTUS? Or, as the kids say: Where they do that at?? 

Well, duh, America. In a country built on (and by) perpetuating the myths of the inferiority of people of color, it isn't a surprise that a White person may feel that their rejection from the school of their choice has to do with the university's use of race as a factor for admission. (All of the plaintiffs in such cases - Fisher, Grutter, and Bakke - have been White.) I mean, people of color can't possibly be qualified to get in or anything. We can't possibly have worked hard, aced tests, and did every extra-curricular activity possible to gain admission to the school that you expected to get into. Nope. It's only because we are of color... Yeah, miss me with that. 

The idea that one can 'lose their seat' to another individual at an institution that neither of them attends is ridiculous to me. It implies that the individual believes that the application to college is just a formality, that the seat is their seat by virtue of who they are in comparison to others. The only people who think that are people who don't understand what it is like to have to earn a chance. Their sense of entitlement is strong enough to sue (sue!) for something that was never in their ownership. To sue (sue!) an institution on the claim that the person who was admitted instead of them was somehow under-qualified when they do not even know that person! 

[omg.wtf.gtfoh.take a seat.]

Having researched race and privilege in college and beyond, I understand on an academic level where this mindset comes from. Having lived race and privilege in higher education, I understand how it feels to be doubted. I got the looks at Columbia from people who felt that I took their friends' 'spots' in the class. I still get asked my SAT and GRE scores from people who can't believe that I could possibly have earned my way into Columbia, UPenn, or NYU. I get it. I'm not supposed to be academically successful because of what I look like or where I come from. I'm not supposed to be competitive. I'm not supposed to have a shot. And if I don't think that's fair, well guess what? Life's not fair.

(Ever notice how the people who tend to say 'life's not fair are the ones to whom life has been rather fair? Interesting.)

I really hope the SCOTUS doesn't overlook precedence and strike down the previous rulings about the consideration of race in college admissions. We as a society aren't at a place where race isn't a determining factor in life outcomes. Poor, so-called "failing" schools tend to be over-populated with brown children for structural reasons that are out of their control. To not take such external, nonacademic factors into consideration in admisions is to blame a kid for being born. Education has been proven to be the best vehicle to breaking the cycle of poverty for families and communities. Until the K-12 system is equitable enough to make merit-based decisions, higher education has be the leveling factor. Hopefully the SCOTUS will see that.

... Or they could just make it illegal to have such egregious educational inequalities at the K-12 level so that this becomes a moot point. But we know that will never happen. 

is code switching bad?

Perfect illustration! And the site it comes
from is pretty great, too. 

A few weeks ago, one of my White classmates brought up the idea of code switching. It was in response to an article in which the author expressed disdain for concerted efforts to make college campuses more diverse, citing the fact that students of color don't know how to speak proper English and therefore don't deserve to attend elite universities. (Paraphrasing, but not much.) My classmate was obviously disturbed by the idea that students of color have to change the way they (we) speak just to be accepted in school. When I mentioned that I do it all the time (including the present time) and have been since I was a kid, she was shocked. "That just seems like so much effort!" When I said that it was pretty natural at this point in my life, she looked visibly upset.

My classmate's reaction has been gnawing at me ever since. Is code switching bad? Having been explicitly taught this behavior at a rather young age, I never gave it much thought. I grew up knowing that the how you act in public has to be better than how you at home because people who don't know you will think you're [whatever] if you act like [whatever]. While an understanding of the racial and social implications of this came later, my parents were very deliberate with this message. My mom modeled this behavior at work and even gave my brother and me phone answering lessons. (Like, for real. It was that deep.) My parents, just like their parents and all the other parents who do/have done this, were just trying to give us a leg up.

It is no secret that Black students are treated better when they (we) can mimic the White, middle-class values and norms that the American public education system values. Researchers like Lisa Delpit and Gloria Ladson-Billings (two of my favorite favorites, by the way) write extensively about the ways that African American children are perceived as deficient and uneducable because their normal is not the same normal as their teachers who come from majority groups. As a result, they lose out on valuable educational experiences (like learning) because their teachers either don't teach them well because they don't think they can learn *or* spend so much time teaching them away from their cultural norms that they don't get a quality educational experience.

[FYI: As of 2007, the teaching force was ~87% White, while the student body was 40% non-White and growing (Renzulli, et al., 2007). So, while every White teacher doesn't do this, it happens a lot.]

My justification for teaching kids to code switch is that it makes things easier. Successfully doing this means that they can avoid these issues with teachers and focus on learning. They won't be judged negatively by their teachers and will probably get treated better than their peers of color who cannot connect with their teachers this way. Even in non-academic settings, like the workplace or just in public, code switching has its benefits. People who do this have an easier time moving through the world because they know what is expected of them. Or, as my mom puts it, "they know how to act."

I do agree with my classmate on one point: It really sucks that this has to happen. Why do not-White children (people) have to bifurcate in order to be accepted? I wish we could get to a time when the White, middle class norms aren't "normal" and everyone can be who they are and it's all good in the hood... but that time is not now. Code switching is necessary, and those of us who can successfully master it will be the ones who benefit the most. So, while I hate being called "articulate" and being told that I "speak so well", I'd rather have these (non)compliments than be dismissed outright for not properly forming a sentence. It is a trade off that I will take any day of the week.

Sorry, classmate. Code switching is here to stay. Lucky for you, you can always just be yourself.

---
citation:
Renzulli, L., Macpherson, H., and Beattie, I. (2010). Racial mismatch and school type: Teacher satisfaction and retention in charter and traditional public schools. Sociology of Education, 84, 23-48.